Wednesday, March 20, 2002
Wow. What a day. It started out so horribly and is actually turning out to not be so bad. I think the day turned itself around when I shoved my face with pizza at Penelope's work party. Everyone was in a really great mood, despite the weather. And I am a royal fat ass today. I ate Lo Mein at 10:30am and then two slices of pizza. And then I went to a local deli and got a cup of corn chowder. My appetite is voracious and insatiable today. I almost ate Penelope, but she ran away too quickly.
Now I am full of food and my stomach has exploded into this mass of flesh. Will someone please help me help myself?
The day is almost over and I am so ready to go home. Imagine if I was like, "Oh please, I would love to spend another hour here today." Yeah...you can also imagine a million dollars falling out of my asshole. Ooh. I like that fantasy.
So I spoke with my father last night for about two hours on the phone. It was such a beautiful conversation. He spent more than half of it in tears over one thing or another. He is such an emotional guy. I love it. He confides in me, he trusts me, and even more importantly, he loves me so incredibly much. I appreciate him in a way that I will never be able to convey to him. He's my hero, my father, and my joy. He is going to get involved with my uncles and in a lot of ways, I feel like he should. Long story, but he may really be able to help fix this misunderstanding that I am having with them. I guess I will just wait and see what happens.
I just spoke with Paul. He was pretty damn cute. Sometimes he gets this laughter that just makes me want to smush him with love. It's like: HAR HAR HAR! I love it so much.
Last night he fucked up. I called him at like 10:30pm (returning his call) and he didn't answer. I called and called until 11pm, cuz I really wanted to talk to him. So I finally get ahold of him at like 11pm.
Here is how the conversation went:
J: Hi. How are you?
P: Hi. You going to bed?
J: No. What's going on?
P: Nothing. Just eating dinner. You going to bed?
J: Um...no. I have a little bit to talk.
P: Well, maybe you should get some rest.
J: EWE. What is the deal? Why are you making me go to bed?
P: Well, you see, Queer as Folk is on and I really want to watch it. I will call you at 12am if you are still going to be awake.
J: (Deleted expletives) ARE YOU SERIOUS? I MEAN, WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO EACHOTHER SINCE LAST FRIDAY AND NOW A TV SHOW IS MORE IMPORTANT....BLAH BLAH BLAH....(more screaming)....and BLAH!
P: I am sorry Joe. I just want to watch the show.
J: Fine. I am being a dickhead and I am sorry. I just really wanted to talk to you and I see now that our conversation isn't that important to you. You don't have to call me when the show is over. I am going to bed.
P: I will try you after the show. Promise. Hope you are ok.
J: Fine. Goodnight.
P: Bye
So, I call back about 10 minutes later and leave a message on the answering machine that went something like this:
"Don't pick up the phone (not that he would have anyway). I am going to bed. I apologize for getting angry with you. I just really wanted to talk about what happened to you this weekend and what happened to me yesterday, but we will catch up on it later. If you want, please give me a call after the show and maybe I will still be awake to talk. If not, you can call me tomorrow. I love you and hopefully I will still be awake when you call."
Being the amazing boyfriend that he is...he didn't call back. Of fucking course. ;)
But he did call just now and I am not angry at all. I wasn't even really angry last night. I just flipped out cuz I felt like that is what I was supposed to do. Have you ever done that? I am so used to being the crazy one and last night, even though I wasn't in the mood to be crazy, I forced myself to curse him out. (big sigh) The trials and tribs of being a psycho. You never know how to be.
So that is it. Those are my stories for the day.
It is now 4:55pm and I am so out of here, it's ridiculous.
not so ridiculous.
Now I am full of food and my stomach has exploded into this mass of flesh. Will someone please help me help myself?
The day is almost over and I am so ready to go home. Imagine if I was like, "Oh please, I would love to spend another hour here today." Yeah...you can also imagine a million dollars falling out of my asshole. Ooh. I like that fantasy.
So I spoke with my father last night for about two hours on the phone. It was such a beautiful conversation. He spent more than half of it in tears over one thing or another. He is such an emotional guy. I love it. He confides in me, he trusts me, and even more importantly, he loves me so incredibly much. I appreciate him in a way that I will never be able to convey to him. He's my hero, my father, and my joy. He is going to get involved with my uncles and in a lot of ways, I feel like he should. Long story, but he may really be able to help fix this misunderstanding that I am having with them. I guess I will just wait and see what happens.
I just spoke with Paul. He was pretty damn cute. Sometimes he gets this laughter that just makes me want to smush him with love. It's like: HAR HAR HAR! I love it so much.
Last night he fucked up. I called him at like 10:30pm (returning his call) and he didn't answer. I called and called until 11pm, cuz I really wanted to talk to him. So I finally get ahold of him at like 11pm.
Here is how the conversation went:
J: Hi. How are you?
P: Hi. You going to bed?
J: No. What's going on?
P: Nothing. Just eating dinner. You going to bed?
J: Um...no. I have a little bit to talk.
P: Well, maybe you should get some rest.
J: EWE. What is the deal? Why are you making me go to bed?
P: Well, you see, Queer as Folk is on and I really want to watch it. I will call you at 12am if you are still going to be awake.
J: (Deleted expletives) ARE YOU SERIOUS? I MEAN, WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO EACHOTHER SINCE LAST FRIDAY AND NOW A TV SHOW IS MORE IMPORTANT....BLAH BLAH BLAH....(more screaming)....and BLAH!
P: I am sorry Joe. I just want to watch the show.
J: Fine. I am being a dickhead and I am sorry. I just really wanted to talk to you and I see now that our conversation isn't that important to you. You don't have to call me when the show is over. I am going to bed.
P: I will try you after the show. Promise. Hope you are ok.
J: Fine. Goodnight.
P: Bye
So, I call back about 10 minutes later and leave a message on the answering machine that went something like this:
"Don't pick up the phone (not that he would have anyway). I am going to bed. I apologize for getting angry with you. I just really wanted to talk about what happened to you this weekend and what happened to me yesterday, but we will catch up on it later. If you want, please give me a call after the show and maybe I will still be awake to talk. If not, you can call me tomorrow. I love you and hopefully I will still be awake when you call."
Being the amazing boyfriend that he is...he didn't call back. Of fucking course. ;)
But he did call just now and I am not angry at all. I wasn't even really angry last night. I just flipped out cuz I felt like that is what I was supposed to do. Have you ever done that? I am so used to being the crazy one and last night, even though I wasn't in the mood to be crazy, I forced myself to curse him out. (big sigh) The trials and tribs of being a psycho. You never know how to be.
So that is it. Those are my stories for the day.
It is now 4:55pm and I am so out of here, it's ridiculous.
not so ridiculous.
